You know you live in the Highlands when…

You know you live in the Highlands when you are actually surprised (and disappointed) when eggs are ‘stolen’ from your honesty box!

You know you live in the Highlands when you are known by your first name and profession or first name and location! e.g. Bruce Hydro, Cory First-Aid, Helen Beautopia, Katherine the Hippie, Mandy Melvaig (formerly Mandy Leisure Centre)…

You know you live in the Highlands when everyone knows the local delivery drivers first name.

You know you live in the Highlands when the local delivery driver tells you off (in a nice way) for being in Gairloch, when he has nothing to pass onto you.

You know you live in the Highlands when the local delivery driver hands you a parcel to deliver to your neighbour to save them a 20 mile drive (and you are happy to help!).

You know you live in the Highlands when from October to March you wave at every car you pass.

You know you live in the Highlands when you stop waving at every car from March to October (tourist season).

You know you live in the Highlands when you don’t have to explain ‘Tourist Rage’ to another local!

You know you live in the Highlands when you look forward to March – April when the deer are ‘back up high’ and you can drive ‘fast’ at the deer hot-spots (Achnascheen, Loch Maree…).

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You know you live in the Highlands when you look forward to late September – early October, when the Campervans are gone and you can ‘give it some gas’ before the deer come down again and play chicken on the road.

You know you live in the Highlands when all the house numbers (if there are any) make absolutely no sense!

You know you live in the Highlands when you have to ask directions ‘for the person’ (Cory First-Aid) and not the house or number to find the correct house.

You know you live in the Highlands when you don’t slow down for photogenic poser sheep, instead you shout out the window at them (the sheep) saying ‘do I look like a tourist?”

You know you live in the Highlands when you speak to your chickens more than any other human being, because you haven’t seen another human for over a week.

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You know you live in the  Highlands when you ask what jobs (plural) people do and not just ‘what do you do?’

You know you live in the Highlands when you are surprised the people in the real world actually survive on ‘just one job’!

You know you live in the Highlands when your school janitor used to work for British Aerospace (and not as the Jani).

You know you live in the Highlands when you are upset that a friend who is visiting Inverness hasn’t just popped up to see you too! (just a little 4 hour round trip).

You know you live in the Highlands when driving into  the ‘big toon’ to get the ‘messages’ means that you will also, get the messages (probably over 4 shops as Aldi and Lidl don’t have everything you need), fill up with petrol, go to the dentist, visit the hairdresser, take the dog to the vet, go to the pictures and visit the gym, all of that after a two hour,one-way, drive.

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You know you live in the Highlands when you think visiting Gairloch is ‘the town’!

You know you live in the Highlands when any new registration/ license plate vehicle from March to September is a tourist.

You know you live in the Highlands when you grump about camper-vans and camper-van drivers for clogging the road and not putting anything back into the community.

You know you live in the Highlands when the same 5 to 10 people are on every single committee from the community hall to the school parents association to the sailing club.

You know you live in the Highlands when your cinema is a folding lorry tardis.

You know you live in the Highlands when you know absolutely every one attending  the folding-out lorry tardis Cinema.

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You know you live in the Highlands when you have lived opposite your nearest neighbours (600metres away), waved to them for years, and never spoken to them.

You know you live in the Highlands when you not only know the name of your local councilor but you know  what they look like and where they live! And they know the same about you.

You know you live in the Highlands when you can still get an appointment at the doctors surgery within a day, with your preferred doctor and they will spend half an hour assisting you.

You know you live in the Highlands when you actually get a travel allowance for visiting the hospital.IMG_2872

You know you live in the Highlands when you can get credit at the local DIY store and you are allowed to help yourself from the back (even though they don’t know you from Adam!).

You know you live in the Highlands when you can still actually phone your local bank branch and not India.

You know you live in the Highlands when you use the ‘three passing place’ rule, if the car in front hasn’t pulled in after ‘three passing places’ it is time to start ‘flashing’.

You know you live in the Highlands when you check Facebook to find out if the gritters have been out on Glen Docherty and The Fain.

You know you live in the Highlands when you are tired of people asking ‘do you live here all year round?’, ‘do you get bad snow here?’, ‘are they your sheep?’…

IMG_3890You know you live in the Highlands when in the summer you sleep from 23:30 – 4:00 and in the winter you don’t want to get up until 9am preferably 10am and you want to go to bed at 15:30.

You know you live in the Highlands when the local police car is a cardboard cut-out as it is always outside the police station and never moves.

You know you live in the Highlands when you stop to offer people lifts even if they aren’t hitchhiking.

You know you live in the Highlands when you expect cars to stop and offer you a lift as all locals know there isn’t a bus.

You know you live in the Highlands when public transport is not a noun/nouns in your everyday vocabulary.

You know you live in the Highlands when pulling ticks off your body is a weekly occurrence.

IMG_1757 2You know you live in the Highlands when your car, van and handbag all have a bottle of Smidge and a midge net from May until September.

You know you live in the Highlands when you have winter tyres despite leaving Germany over 10 years ago and it isn’t a legal requirement.

You know you live in the Highlands when your house must have a defining feature, not just ‘the white croft house’, e.g. the last white house on the left before the lighthouse brae with solar panels.

You know you live in the Highlands when you can watch a shower of rain over Skye and know that it will be raining on you in 10 minutes.

You know you live in the Highlands when Aurora alerts come from a phone call from your neighbour and live Facebook videos, rather than the University of Lancaster.

You know you live in the Highlands when you laugh at people who expect  mobile phone reception, when you haven’t had one since the day you arrived.

You know you live in the Highlands when you don’t know how to use catch-up TV or Netflicks as you have never experienced super-fast broadband.

You know you live in the Highlands when you pay over £90 a month for unlimited satellite broadband.

You know you live in the Highlands when Tesco deliver to your neighbour (54 miles away) but not your postcode (55 miles) away!

You know you live in the Highlands when you really need a pepper for your recipe, your local store has a red pepper, only one, it is older than your grandmother, costs 99pence, and you still buy it!

You know you live in the Highlands when the next Tesco delivery slot is in 3 weeks and your fridge looks like an Ready Steady Cook bag (onion, a green lump of cheese and half a packet of spaghetti), yet your Mum can get a slot in the Central belt on the same day.

You know you live in the Highlands when only Argos and Amazon won’t charge a premium for delivery, nearly every other British company considers you to be in outer space and will add a £30 – £50 supplement onto their £2.50 delivery charge.

You know you live in the Highlands when you pay premium for your petrol and diesel yet there is no choice as their is no public transport (no island rate petrol in the remote Highlands mainlands).

You know you live in the Highlands when your recovery service says their local AA, RAC, Green Flag representative  will be with you within an hour but you know it will be Forbes Garage and they will be with you as soon as they can and you might as well phone them directly to let them know exactly where you are and what you need.

You know you live in the Highlands when Booking.com insists your nearest airport is Stornoway, although you know that will involve a 1.5 hour drive and ferry journey!

You know you live in the Highlands when you never give a distance in miles from destination, you always give a time from destination. e.g. 2 hours from Inverness.

You know you live in the Highlands when the BBC says a storm is coming and unless they forecast over 90mph winds you will consider it a breeze.

You know you live in the Highlands when your BT broadband diminishes to dial-up speed at 15:30 when the school children come home.

You know you live in the Highlands when you actually know where the sheep ‘hot spots’ are, where they likely to sleep as a flock on the single track and take that bend ‘carefully’.

You know you live in the Highlands when your morning run can involve an otter, red deer, sea eagle, dolphin, seal and or pine marten.

You know you live in the Highlands when you have forgotten to lock the house door, shed door and car door for the last 6 years.

You know you live in the Highlands when you forget to lock your car door when you go to Inverness.

You know you live in the Highlands when the new postie doesn’t just have to learn the new route, find houses without numbers but also be shown where every household’s ‘safe place’ is as nearly no-one has a postbox.

You know you live in the Highlands when your postcode says you live in Achnascheen (50 miles away) or Gairloch (10 miles away), a wee bit too far to walk…

You know you live in the Highlands when your morning run offers two routes, towards the lighthouse or towards Gairloch.

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You know you live in the Highlands when if you are in the doctors waiting room and you don’t know ‘anyone’ then you are probably dead!

2 thoughts on “You know you live in the Highlands when…

  1. You know you live in the Highlands when you’re under 30, can’t afford to buy a house due to all the ‘holiday houses’ and people say ‘locals don’t speak to me even though I try to speak to them. I mean, all I did was hang my washing out on a Sunday to annoy them and refuse to let them graze their sheep on my croft that I don’t use for anything other than trying to grow inappropriately vegitation.’

    Like

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